The Verdict Is....[UPDATED TWICE]

Um, yeah.

I don't know whether the difference is this particular beer, or whether it's the fact that we bottled in 22 ounce bottles for the first time (we used to do 12 ounce bottles).

But, for whatever reason, only one week of bottle-conditioning is definitely not enough.

At. All.

The flavor is good. But the fact that it's still flat is making me gag.

So here's the (moral?) dilemma we faced. Do we throw out 22 ounces of flat beer? Or do we man up and drink it, gaggy faces and all?

I'll leave it up to you to guess which road we traveled.

UPDATE (3/8): Slightly better after two weeks, but still not right. We've moved the beer to someplace we think might/maybe/could be warmer than where it was sitting before and we'll wait some more. If we don't have carbonated beer soon, I think we'll have to investigate other options. This has never happened before.....I really dislike new complications.

UPDATE (3/12): We have carbonation! I think it still needs another week to be fully carbonated, but we tried a bottle last night and it was much improved. I think the final lesson with this batch of beer is that higher gravity/alcohol beers may take longer to carbonate. Which is what I found during my research on this problem. But the independent confirmation is nice.

A Nut Update and a New Toy

So, as I mentioned before, we are now in the market for a new piece of beer brewing equipment: an aeration system.

Sadly, it's not going to be the fish tank air pump I'd mentioned. I'm a bit disappointed, really. Because the idea that you're using fish equipment in your brewing process just sounds so delightfully ridiculous.

But it turns out that the stuff that works so well for a fish tank isn't the best option for aerating your beer.

Honestly, I think I could have guessed that.

Based on the freakish amount of research that has gone into this, we've determined that this is what we want, and is on its way to our house as we speak:

[source]

It's an aeration kit. Only thing missing? The oxygen tank. That's right, friends....we're bringing pure oxygen into our brewing space. Should be legendary.

I just hope no one loses an eye.

(Related to the topic of bodily catastrophes: I did warn Michael, that if at any time he even suggests this thing might explode, we're switching to filtered air rather than O2 tanks. I don't need a single additional thing that he could worry will explode in our faces.)

Here's how it works: That brass-looking/black knobby thing hooks both to the O2 tank and to one end of the plastic hose. The knobby thing is used to regulate the flow of oxygen from the tank. The other end of the hose (with that white thing on the end) goes into the beer. And in 30-60 seconds, you've got yourself some tricked out beer full of oxygen...a perfect environment for healthy yeast growth.

The only problem is we're going to wait until the aeration system gets here to start our next batch, so we won't brew again until next weekend. That's kind of a bummer, but I think the wait will be worth it.

In the meantime, the nut brown ale should be ready to try tomorrow. Okay, technically we're supposed to wait another week (the beer has only been in the bottle for a week, and the "rule" is that it should bottle-condition for two weeks before you try it), but I'm too impatient to wait that long. I'll report back once we've cracked open one of these and let you know whether my haste was, well, too hasty.

I also have a new plan/promise for our next beer. I'm going to document the brewing process all the way through. With photos. And labels.

For those of you who haven't seen this business in action, I thought it might be fun to show what this whole process looks like.

Or, it could just be funny. Because I haven't really thought through the acrobatics of this yet....taking pictures with one hand while stirring/straining/measuring/pouring/etc. with the other. But we'll figure it out. Between us, we've got many years of advanced education, which hopefully will equate to a certain level of manual dexterity.

Because I'm positive that's how that works, right?

Some Good News and the Other News

I'm slow at getting to this, but here's an update on the Imperial Nut Brown Ale.

First, the Good News, Part 1:

1) As of Sunday afternoon, the ale is now at home in fermenter #2. All wrapped up in its black garbage bag. (A well-equipped brewer with all the bling would have a carboy cover in some crazy, statement-making fabric--to keep out the light, as fermenter #2 is clear glass--but since I don't have one, I use a lawn/leaf-sized garbage bag. Very ghetto-chic.)

2) I'm fairly sure the beer will be delicious. You know, once it's done being 72 degrees and flat.

3) We've freed up enough equipment and counter space that we can brew again.

Now the Other News:

1) Um....Imperial ales are HARD to ferment, yo. I've never done one of this style before, and I'm not sure I'm going to do another. At least not until I've recovered from this episode. And replenished my Xanax supply.

2) Our beer never reached its target gravity. Which means something didn't go as expected in the fermentation. We know that everything was spot-on until we pitched the yeast. The suspected culprits are a) not enough yeast, and b) not enough aeration of the wort.

An extra note on b): It turns out that simply sloshing the wort around while you're adding the yeast to get some air in there isn't good enough--especially with higher gravity beers. But never fear.....Mr. Engineer is on it! And no lie...it involves a fish tank air pump.

Of course it does.

Good News, Part 2:

1) We've learned a ton while brewing this beer. And since the only flaws in the beer will be that it's a little sweeter and a little less boozy than it's supposed to be, I think it was well worth doing, if only for the educational experience.

2) I bought a couple of new books as a result of this experience. Including a whole book devoted to yeast. Jealous? Come on....you know you are.

3) And, I guess I'll soon be the proud owner of some fish tank equipment. I feel truly blessed.

A "What Now?" Nut Brown Update

Just a check-in to report on the status of the Imperial Nut Brown ale that should have been racked to the secondary fermenter yesterday.

There's basically no update. But there's a lot of general confusion.

The ale had been bubbling up a storm until sometime on Saturday when, as expected, it slowed to less than one bubble in the airlock per minute (scientific, no?). Yesterday, Michael and I got all ready for the transfer from Fermenter 1 to Fermenter 2. Excitement was in the air.

Until we took our gravity reading. It was too high. For this recipe, the gravity should be around 1.011 - 1.015. Ours was at 1.021. The alcohol by volume should be 7.75-8.25%. Ours sat defiantly at 6.8%. It's still a respectable alcohol level, but not enough for us to declare this brew an unqualified success.

Thinking that there may be a difference between the gravity reading we got by pulling a sample from the bottom of the fermenter and the one we might get by taking a sample from the top, we took another reading to see what was what.

Um, yeah....same stupid reading. (At least now we know top or bottom doesn't make a difference when you're talking samples. Useful info, I guess.)

Much flurrying occurred at this point as we checked every resource at our disposal to see what could be wrong. Books, Internet, prayer, tarot reading, runes, star charts....we consulted it all.

Here's what we found out:

• The new wisdom seems to be that it's a good idea to let beer (especially "big" beers) sit in the primary fermenter longer than I've ever done before. I usually transfer to the secondary after a week. Everybody now is saying two weeks is better. Okay, I guess. Maybe in the next week something magical will happen (some kind of sneaky, super-secret fermentation) and drop the gravity another .006. Except there doesn't appear to be anything going on in that fermenter. It looks pretty boring in there. So, I'm skeptical there's any magic (secret or not) awaiting us.
• If our fermentation is indeed "stuck," it could be that our yeast is dead. That can happen with higher alcohol beers, as high alcohol environments can be toxic to yeast. Although, if 6.8% alcohol is toxic to the yeast in our fermenter, I'm fully prepared to proclaim this yeast "The Wimpiest Yeast Ever." It's supposed to be functional in environments that are up to 10% ABV, so I'm not convinced our alcohol level is the problem.
• One way to get yeast unstuck (in theory anyway) is to "swirl" the fermenter. Just to shake things up a bit and wake up the sleepy yeast. I don't know if any of you ever tried to "swirl" a 1 1/2-foot tall plastic bucket full of 5 gallons of liquid, but let me tell you that this is not an easy feat. Michael gave it the old college try, though....and I'm so very sorry I didn't video it.

So now we have our freshly swirled fermenter sitting in the kitchen where we can just stare at it, waiting for something to happen. So far, there's nothing of interest to report.

We need to take another gravity reading today or tomorrow to see if there's any change. If there is, then I feel better. It means the fermentation isn't done, but the yeast is still doing its thing (although it's doing it invisibly), and I just need to settle down.

If there's no change, that's another story. It may mean fermentation is really done, and it's just time to rack to the secondary and call it good. It also means that the target ABV for this recipe isn't correct and it's time to find a different recipe. Or adjust our expectations.

Or, it may mean the fermentation isn't done but our yeast is shot. In that case, we just need to add more yeast. It means more waiting, but I can deal with that.

Here's the thing, though: In one of the 495 calculations and tests we've done over the lifespan of this beer, we've determined that we have an "apparent attenuation" of about 71%. Which means that our yeast has consumed 71% of the available sugars in the beer. Sounds great, right? It would be fantastic if our alcohol levels were where they should be. The problem (according to our research...again, the star charts, etc.) is that an attenuation of 75% is about the best you're gonna get. There are just some sugars that aren't edible to the yeast (called "non-fermentables"). Which means that we could dump more yeast in there and have it Do. Absolutely. Nothing. Because there's no food available for the yeast to eat. (I guess they could just swim around to pass the time, but that's not really what they're there for.) I guess in that case, we just bottle the stuff, call it a 6.8% ABV beer and be done with it.

It is, after all, just beer.

But it's all the "maybe"s, "I don't know"s, and perplexed shrugging going on around here that is the most frustrating. And all those star charts take up a lot of the much-lacking counterspace, yo.

The good news is that this beer tastes GOOD. Even warm and flat (which is how it should be at this point), it's still darn yummy.

I'll be back with an update after the next reading. And we'll go from there.

UPDATE: Shame on me for doubting the stars. Or the stuff we read on the Internet. Whichever.

The gravity reading tonight was 1.019. Fermentation ain't over, y'all. The house ruling? Let 'er sit until the weekend. And in the meantime? Chill. Out.

Oh, and in the name of all that's holy...stop opening the fermenter.

Get the Party Started

While I've shared a bit of info about how I got started brewing and the fact that Michael and I are certifiably insane on brew day, I haven't really said much about what's cooking in the back room here.

And I'm very pleased to tell you that it's a Nut Brown Ale.

But it's not just any old nut brown. Oh, no. It's an Imperial Nut Brown.

Let the good times roll.

For those of you unfamilar with beer "code," Imperial (or Double) means BIG. Big in every way. Big ingredients list, big taste, big(ger) money to spend whether you brew it at home or buy it at the bar or store.

But more than anything else, Imperial is code for Big Alcohol. Big Alcohol makes for a Bad Ass beer that will knock you on yours, if you're not careful.

In case you're curious about how brewers start with one beer style and then take it up about 20 notches to make a Big Version of that style, it's because Imperial/Double recipes call for far more grain than their non-Imperial counterparts. In some cases, the recipes call for more hops too, but that's more about brewing a beer that'll make you pucker your beer-drinking lips than about greater alcohol. Hops don't affect alcohol content--they have other things to attend to.

Nope, it's all about the grains here--because with more grain you get more sugar. And with more sugar you get more yummy treats for your yeasty friends. Yeasty friends that will eventually give you alcohol and carbon dioxide in exchange for your sugary offering. Now there's a waste product you can get excited about!

Take for example, the difference between the alcohol content (also known as ABV, or alcohol by volume) in a Stout. You know, that really dark beer that looks like it could be mistaken for motor oil? Well, a "regular" Stout--Guinness is the best known example--is about 4-5% alcohol. Pretty low ABV. (Surprising eh?) In fact, it's about the same alcohol content as Bud Light.

Except Guinness is actually drinkable.

A quick aside: Dark, by the way, has nothing to do with alcohol content. Color is not an indicator of how drunk you could get when drinking it. That's a myth. Just sayin'.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh, yeah...so the Imperial version of a Stout? Anywhere between 8-12+% ABV. That's 2-3 times more alcohol than its non-Imperial cousin. And just to put this in perspective, at the higher end of that spectrum, we're getting into Merlot-like ABV territory here.

Another aside: An Imperial Stout I highly recommend is Storm King by Victory Brewing Company from Downingtown, PA. It's a brilliant beer. But be careful. At 9.1% ABV, this bad boy can sneak up on you but quick!

So, anyway, all this is to say, Michael and I have our own Imperial Bad Boy rockin' it in our back room. We brewed on Sunday and we still have active fermentation today (Friday.) That's pretty freaking awesome. Assuming fermentation finishes up in time, we'll move the beer this weekend from the primary fermenter to a secondary fermenter where it can sit for a couple of weeks to mellow and mature before bottling.

Which means our Imperial friend should be coming up by the end of February/beginning of March. Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

And on that note, have a great weekend. Here's a little thematically-appropriate P!nk action to get your weekend off on the right foot!

"Get The Party Started" Official Video- P!nk